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I don’t want to have children, and stop telling me I’ll change my mind :D
Sep 2019, 2022 · 6 min read
I wrote this at age 21 and had an abortion because I never wanted to have children. My mom always haunts me with talk of pregnancy, as she had me when she was young and had to give up her dreams for me. She didn’t regret it but didn’t want me to make the same sacrifice. When I was 15, I watched a show called ‘The Fosters’ and loved it so much that I decided I wanted to adopt children in the future rather than have my own. I used to teach art therapy for stateless and refugee children and felt a deep connection with them. I saw their potential but recognized the lack of resources to support them. I made a promise to myself that I would never bring innocent children into this cruel world and that I would adopt these exceptional, suffering children instead.
I’ve been a fan of philosophy for as long as I can remember, and I stumbled upon the concept of anti-natalism. It piqued my interest, so I did some more research on it. Although I don’t want to label myself as an anti-natalist, I value the idea behind it. I wish people around me would respect my decision and stop telling me that I will change my mind when I get older. I put a lot of love, elbow grease, and brainpower into making this decision. It wasn’t just a whim or a hasty choice - I did my research and gave it some serious thought. I’m pretty firm in my decision not to have biological children, but I’m definitely open to the possibility of adoption down the road.
Having children is not life-affirming and is immoral. When I was pregnant, I thought I loved this baby so much that I didn’t have them. It’s unethical and immoral to bring a child when you know there are so many suffering children that you could use your kindness and help them survive in this cruel world instead of adding one or more.
I wrote FAQs below to give you some of my common arguments with people who want me to have children and give you answers /reasons why I don’t want to have children.
‘Moral’ path to parenthood
If becoming a parent is central to your definition of a meaningful life, there’s one “morally magic” option available to you: adoption.
If we adopt, we don’t inflict an additional life on the world, and we improve the life of someone who already exists. There are so MANY suffering children in this fucked world that need more of our help than bringing or adding one.
After educating myself with all these, I began to think more about, wow, if I have kids, they will not grow up with a sense of environmental stability. Creating a new person is a huge life decision. You don’t need a scientist to tell you that.
If you disagree with all these arguments, don’t you think would-be parents should be forced to grapple with these issues? Most parents never seriously consider these issues. What does that say about the gravity or lack thereof, the average person possesses when deciding to have a child? Most parents are never forced to defend their choice. Isn’t it about time that parents are, at the very least, put on the defensive and forced to explain themselves? And I think you should have a license to become a parent.